also the first time I went with 100% purely my own agenda.
Not a coincidence.

Last time I was here I stayed with some old friends who were particularly important people to me previously, but they became offended when they realized I had specific things I wanted to do while I was there that apparently didn’t jive with whatever it was they had intended for me.

Or something like that. I never was very clear as to why they were so upset at me. From where I stood there was no issue. Because they hadn’t mentioned it to me until we ended up in a standoff situation literally just outside the door of the event I wanted to go to. They took me right up to the door before they told me they weren’t going in. Not sure why they thought I was out of line being angry about that.

But they did. And they refused to accept my apology when I tried to make peace, so what more can you do? I am reminded, as I look around the city, how I lost what used to be good friends the last time I was here. And yet it’s all so plainly obvious that I’m having a much better time seeing and doing what I want to do instead of letting them show me what the want to show me.

Yesterday I went clothes shopping for hours and hours and hours. I found a perfect dress to wear to Electric Six tonight. It’s both flashy and primarily in white. and gives me lots of cleavage but won’t allow me to pop out when I dance around. And I WILL dance around.

Last night I went to see Simon Chardiet’s band. I met him in Columbus whilst having a hot dog before a Valient Thorr show last year. He’s like, “I’m a NYC musician.” I’m like, “Neat! I’ll add you to my collection!” And I kept in touch with him in case I might get to see his band play one day. He was really pleased to see me turn up. He was super-nice to me and he introduced me around to his girlfriend and all his friends and made me feel welcome and put on a great show too!

The problem with NY is that the bars shut so late I don’t know how people know when to go home. And by the end of the night I’d swear there were no sober people in the entire East Village at all.

This trip was part of a much-needed spiritual adventure for me and I’m feeling ready to go home now.